The Three C’s of Dating with Food Allergies

Allison: I had a huge crush on this guy that I was friends with in High School. When I was over at his house doing homework, we were being kind of flirty, but he kissed me basically out of the blue while we were sitting next to each other. The problem? He had JUST eaten something I was allergic to. I pulled back and immediately said “You just ate something I’m allergic to, you can’t kiss me I could get really sick!” and he just said “Oh.” I spent the next 20 minutes figuring out if it was just butterflies in my stomach or if I was having an allergic reaction from his 2 second peck. (Answer: It was butterflies). BUT he never once asked me if I was feeling okay or followed up with me after I left. We didn’t work out for other reasons, but that was a pretty tell-tale sign that he was a jerk!

Anna: Other than the story I told in the Confidence section, I really haven’t had too many poor allergy-related dating experiences. I’ve been lucky to know people that have been extremely inclusive and careful with my food allergies.

Allison: For me, the only thing I can safely eat at a restaurant is a salad - and by salad I mean a bowl of lettuce with oil and vinegar for the dressing. On a first date with a guy who already knew about my allergies, he decided to order a bowl of lettuce in solidarity with me! It was super sweet - the waiter probably thought we were crazy but we just laughed about it together! It also meant I was able to kiss him goodnight! His character showed on that first date where he was kind and respectful about my food allergies, and we ended up dating for nearly a year. Big difference from my worst experience.

Anna: I had been dating someone for a while, and they made me a special Thanksgiving dinner with only foods I was able to eat. He even found a special allergy friendly pumpkin pie recipe. I had never had pumpkin pie before this Thanksgiving, as these pies usually have eggs. It was such a sweet, romantic gesture, and a great way to spend the holiday together! 

Allison: Thank goodness, no!

Anna: Yes I have, unfortunately. I first started dating a guy in college, and it was a super early morning after a hike. We went to the student union to get breakfast, and he got a breakfast burrito with eggs. About an hour later, we went to a park, and he kissed me. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I had completely forgotten he ate eggs that morning. At that moment, it did not even cross my mind that I could have a reaction from kissing him. I think I was just so excited to be with him. I definitely did have a reaction, and I know he felt so terrible about it. He took care of me the rest of the day, and I ended up just fine. We dated for two years after that!
 

Allison: My go-to is getting drinks together at a bar! 

Anna: I love anything outdoors, so I usually find a nice hike or walk we can go on!
 

Allison: For me, it’s definitely not having to inform them. I’m a very loud, talkative person, and tend to be pretty open about my food allergies. I think probably all of my friends know that I can’t kiss someone if they’ve eaten something I’m allergic to, we’ve laughed about the awkwardness of it together! I think the hardest part is navigating how food allergies affect the relationship down the line. If I’m hanging out at their place and they decide to make mac & cheese - are they making mac & cheese because they don’t want to kiss me goodbye later? Did I do something that they’re mad at me and they’re trying to make a point? This way of thinking can be nerve-wracking, but the reality is - they’re probably eating mac & cheese because they’re hungry and it has nothing to do with me! I struggle with getting out of my own head sometimes. But when I feel this way, I know now that it’s important to address it, communicate, and ask.

Allison: YES! Anna and I have both said it before - it’s a screening process. If someone isn’t willing to keep you safe, then there’s no point in wasting time, energy, or money on them! It might hurt initially if you realize a rejection is because of your food allergies, but it’s helpful in the long run.

Anna: It is the best screening process, ever. A “filter system,” if you will. You realize who actually wants to put in the effort for a lasting relationship, and who cares and values YOU enough to not let food allergies get in the way. I am also proud to say that living with food allergies has positively helped me grow into the person I am today, which makes me feel confident going into a new relationship.
 

Allison: We can’t participate in today’s “hook-up” culture where you meet a cute guy while out with your friends and after talking and a few drinks, end up kissing. But honestly, I don’t think that’s really a detriment. It makes pursuing relationships more intentional and meaningful. You can still meet cute guys out at bars, but now they have to get your number, learn about you, and take you on a safe date before they can kiss you. Much more romantic in my opinion.

Anna: A relationship with food allergies requires another level of communication and teamwork that must be established very early on. The connection is deeper, which makes for a much more meaningful relationship, in my opinion. Food allergies are something not every couple has to work through, but if you are in the early stages of a relationship and both parties are already understanding of the work necessary to prevent any food allergy related problems, that mutual problem-solving and ability to compromise can be easily applied in other aspects of the relationship.