How to Talk to Your Friends About Food Allergies

Emily O’Nan: Talking with friends and peers about your food allergies is important in advocating for your own safety. It’s easy to feel embarrassed about asking your friends to wash their hands or to not eat that food in front of you. In my experience, my true friends do their best to understand, and they always help to make sure that I am safe. 

I have been around peers, and even adults, who are careless and do not pay much attention to food allergies, even after I advocate for myself. The best way to talk to others is by speaking up and being direct. In other words, if you see something, say something! Don’t be afraid of sounding “bossy,” because asking someone to change what they are doing is for your benefit as well as others. This is your health and safety on the line! 

When I first meet friends that I am going to hangout with, or be eating around, I make sure that they know that I have a very severe peanut and tree nut allergy. I tell them what is safe for me, and what isn’t.  Being a senior in high school, I do not have much control over what friends and classmates bring to school or eat around me. The best case scenario is that they do not eat those foods when I am present, but if they do, I ask them politely to wash their hands when they are finished. It is a simple task and many people are more than happy to.

Handling allergies with friends and classmates who do not understand the severity and may not care can be very tricky. It’s easy to pretend like something doesn’t bother you. It’s easy to look the other way and ignore that the people you are with are not doing something that keeps you safe. 

Transitioning from elementary school to middle school was the most difficult. I had been used to teachers being trained in using an EpiPen, and everyone knowing about my allergies, to now having to advocate for myself. I had 6 different teachers, and so many more interactions with kids. Nut-free tables were no longer existent, and I had to make decisions regarding my health for myself. I remember that I was very good at downplaying my allergy, not making it clear how severe it actually was, in fear of disapproval from my friends. I had friends who understood, but I also had a friend who seemed to not care at all. I remember she would eat peanut butter crackers in front of me without caring that the smell would bother me, after I politely had asked her to maybe wait until I left. When she wouldn’t, I would ask her to wash her hands. She made it seem like it was a burden that I was asking her to do this simple thing that could protect me, and that was really hard for me, as I was scared I was being annoying. After a while, I learned that I had to stand up for myself. I couldn’t downplay it any longer, and if I wanted my friend to understand how severe this was for me, I had to be honest. 

Don’t be afraid to speak up about how dangerous an allergy can be. It can be life threatening, and that isn’t something that you can ignore.
 

Amanda Young: Try to make your allergies a normal part of your conversations. If your friends are used to hearing about your allergies, then they will be more willing/likely to help you and support you. For example, a few of my friends are avid bakers, and when we talk about that, I occasionally mention a new recipe that I’ve tried or a new (free from my allergen) ingredient that I’ve discovered. Sometimes, my friends will even send me recipes that are safe for me.

My name is Catherine Walker I am 16 and I live in Hudson, Ohio. I have food allergies to dairy, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and quinoa. I have been involved in spreading food allergy awareness in many ways and use my experiences to teach people more about living with food allergies. I published an allergy friendly cookbook called: Cook It Up! Delicious Recipes for Healthy Cooking and use cooking to help promote food allergy awareness. Telling friends about your food allergies can be difficult but here are 4 points that you should follow when telling your friends about the severity of food allergies.

1. Let them clearly know how severe your food allergies are. Food allergies are no easy feat and it is important that friends know the seriousness of them in order to be able to help you in case of emergency. Be open with them about what you are allergic to and how to notice and react to a possible reaction. Surrounding yourself with people who can help you and know about food allergies is important in keeping yourself safe. 
2. Don’t let yourself feel separated from the crowd. Don’t isolate yourself when you are in social situations. Instead, surround yourself with good friends who know how to notice an allergic reaction and can look out for you. If you separate yourself from others, despite having food allergies, you will only feel more isolated and different than others.
3. Don’t let friends push your comfort zone. Peer pressure is big in middle and high school so it is important to look out for yourself and not eat anything suspicious. I live by the rule of not eating anything unless I know the ingredients in it. Most people with food allergies can relate to this but in a school cafeteria it’s sometimes hard since people share food often. Always make sure to check ingredients and not make anyone make you eat anything that you are unsure of. Keeping yourself safe is your number one goal when dealing with food allergies and it is important to not let peer pressure put you at risk.
4. Tell your friends what they should do to help you if you have an allergic reaction. It is important to have friends know what to do incase of an allergic reaction if they aren’t familiar with food allergies. Be open to showing them how to use your epinephrine auto-injector and who to contact if there was an emergency. This is important for safety to have people who know what to do.

Hello everyone! My name is Camden McIntire, I live in San Diego, California. For me, the most important thing I have learned in my 17 years of living with food allergies is advocating for yourself. Nobody is going to understand the severity of your food allergies until you make it clear to them, so I try to make my allergies known early on. When I hang out with my friends, whether they are new or old, they pick a place to get food, and about half of the time I tell them I can’t eat there. At that point, that is when I bring up the food allergies, and let them know it is life or death for me. I explain how I have to have access to food that is safe for me, and I tell them where to get my meds for me in case anything were to happen. I always make it clear, especially when I go to someone else's house because it is easier to explain to the parents I have to eat my own food before they cook a family dinner. It needs to be made known to all of your friends, you never know when an emergency will happen and they have to know how to inject you, it could save your life.

If you have friends that do not respect your food allergies after you explained the severity, then they are not true friends. There was a kid who knew about my allergies for a couple of years and was not respectful of the severity of my allergies.  Last year, when I was in 7th grade, he ate a peanut butter sandwich and I am highly allergic to peanuts. When we went back to the class, he pretended to trip and purposely touched my neck with his hands. He smirked and I knew he was aware of what he just did. I quickly went to the bathroom and luckily, one of my friends who is also allergic to peanuts saw me. He came into the bathroom and helped me wash the peanut butter off. That friend who helped me is a true friend. 

When I was in third grade, a friend of mine got migraines and needed to eat nuts to help when he took his medicine. He always washed his hands because he wanted to sit near me and keep me safe. That is a true friend.

When I meet a new friend, I tell them about my allergies and the severity. I ask them not to eat the foods around me or if they do to wash their hands. I am happy because my friends look out for me and tell me if they see someone eating peanut butter. That is a true friend.

At my friend’s Bar Mitzvah, his mother made sure there were nut free cookies for me. She also had seedless bagels as I am allergic to sesame seeds. I felt good that she thought about my allergies. That is a true friend. 

I always look for true friends.